


Heck Yeah

by Tish



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Pre-Canon, Starfleet Academy, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-14 01:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15377475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: Cadet Tilly's a ball of nerves, but she'll get there in the end.





	Heck Yeah

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeganMoonlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganMoonlight/gifts).



“How do I do that? _How_?” Tilly thought to herself as she squeezed her hands together. She was watching the other students give orders to their crews, amazed at how effortless they made it sound. Confident, clear and loud commands came from each “Captain”.

She shut off the tape and breathed out. Even when practicing alone, she always felt the knots form in her stomach, feel her throat constrict, shrink back from the eyes she felt upon her. She knew very well how irrational her fears were, yet still felt the shame eat at her.

“How do I do that? How? Well, I'll hecking well learn,” Sylvia said to herself as she stood up and marched around the room. She pounded a fist into her palm and inhaled deeply.

She watched training tapes, noting carefully each person's mannerisms. She held her back straight, head held high, or stood with hands braced behind her back. She practiced phrases and commands, repeating until she got the rhythm right.

In class, she listened closely whenever another student had to give a presentation. She heard murmurs of self-encouragement, tiny fist pumps as the student rose from their seat.

Sitting on a lawn at lunchtime, Tilly struggled to find the words, finally speaking to the group she was with. “Okay. Guys, is it just me, or is everyone feeling like absolutely everybody else except me has it together?”

There was a round of nervous laughter, which Tilly joined in with, feeling a little foolish.

Quan, an engineering specialist gently patted her arm. “Here's the thing. A few people just have _it_ , whatever _it_ might be. They'll fly through life smooth as a duck on water. The rest of us just have to fake it 'til you make it.” 

“Yeah, I think most leaders are just acting a little, or a lot,” added Janna. “Sylvia, remember last week when you were describing that flux modulator. You knew that thing inside out and backwards. You had it absolutely together then.”

“Yes, because I knew what I was doing,” Tilly mumbled through her bread roll.

“You wouldn't have been like that a few years ago, right? You learned how a system works, and now it comes naturally to explain it, to teach it,” Janna gently retorted.

“I hecking well learned, didn't I?” Tilly nodded slowly.

“When your turn comes on that simulation, you'll have the knowledge, the training, the self-confidence to do it. Sure, there'll be a few butterflies in the stomach, that's natural. It shows you're not a freaking sociopath,” Quan said.

Janna rested her chin in her knees and looked into the distance. “I think we're gonna make it.”

“Captain Tilly. I've been whispering that to myself for years, and it gives me goosebumps every time. I want this. I'm going to go for it, even if I end up chewing my nails to the bone from nerves,” Tilly chuckled to herself, then sat up straight. “Heck yeah.”

 


End file.
